You have probably heard about this by now: evangelical Christians will today open a “Creation Museum” (or, ‘moron magnet’, as this blog eloquently puts it) in the USA. Rather than being designed along the lines of a giant roach motel, as one might naturally assume, the ‘museum’ is actually dedicated to teaching people about the Bible. Or rather, the magical and mystical stuff described in the Bible, as if it were literally true. Also some stuff that is made up entirely from scratch.
From the, er… museum’s… site:
The Creation Museum, opening May 28, 2007, presents a “walk through history.” Designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, this state-of-the-art 60,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life.
A fully engaging, sensory experience for guests. Murals and realistic scenery, computer-generated visual effects, over fifty exotic animals, life-sized people and dinosaur animatronics, and a special-effects theater complete with misty sea breezes and rumbling seats. These are just some of the impressive exhibits that everyone in your family will enjoy.
That’s right: dinosaurs. Noah’s ark was a fair bit bigger than we thought, it seems. It gets better, though – there are dinosaurs with saddles, presumably from those parts of the Bible which describe the ancient Hebrew sport of dinosaur equestrian. See one of the wondrous beasts here, or pictured at right above – caveman children frolic with friendly velociraptors, also seen in that documentary by that Jewish guy.
wow. what a fun filled family day out. once you have finished visiting the creation museum you can hop on over to the Hellhouse Outreach centre for your daily dose of fire and brimstone…
http://www.godestiny.org/hell_house/HH_kit.cfm
Oh and did you see the ‘press’ section??
THIS from a Christian ‘news-site’:
“Most dinosaurs were small,” Ham said. “The average size was only the size of a sheep. Only a few were large and even the large ones hatched out of small eggs and young adults would not have been that big.”
ooooooh so THAT explains how Noah managed to fit them on the ark….
‘Ham’ indeed….
i think Bill Hicks said it best:
“Fundamentalist Christianity – fascinating. These people actually believe that the world is 12,000 years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them.
“Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ‘em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.”
Well how fucking scientific, okay. I didn’t know that you’d gone to so much trouble. That’s good. You believe the world’s 12,000 years old?
“That’s right.”
Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
“Uh-huh.”
Dinosaurs.
You know the world is 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you’d think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point.
“And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus… with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin’: ‘What a big fucking lizard, Lord!’ But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus’s paw and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills.And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord.’”
ps – longest reply ever.
One of my favorite claims made by Ham is that the earth’s plates seperated not in millions of years, as scientists claim, but in “weeks”. That’s right, “runaway subduction”. This is how he explains Australia for example having animals that exist nowhere else in the world. His “reasoning” is that the “Great Flood” was so “Great” the water got beneath the plates and surfed them across the oceans.
He also says that Tyrannosaurus Rex grazed on grass in the Garden of Eden until after “The Fall”.
In fact, “The Fall” wasn’t really caused by Adam and Eve eating from the “Tree of Knowledge”. Apparently, a wayward Brontosaur accidentally ate one of the apples and after becoming self-aware started asking troublesome questions.
It’s fantastic – it’s like they’ve conceded that science is a real thing, so now they are determined to twist everything science tells us – dinosaurs, tectonic plates – into the Biblical creation story. I’d love to see how they’d work in alien life if that were ever discovered.
T-rex grazing on grass… dinosaurs the size of sheep (what about this one? about the size of the whole Ark, you’d reckon).
Plus the fact that this guy is called Ham is just brilliant too… I imagine it’s pronounced “Hay-um”.
There is such thing as a friendly velociraptor. All velociraptors should be treated with suspicion.
They also swear that wrestling is a real sport and Fox News is a real news channel.oh those silly Biscuit eating Republicans